No Respect

My knowledge of the American comedy scene is on a serious time lag. First I read that Rodney Dangerfield died. Then someone tells me that Johnny Carson is doing the great open-mic in the sky, both of these events occurring last year. And finally I hear that Mitch Hedberg, one of the most talented comics of my generation, was recently found dead in his hotel room before a gig in New Jersey.

Now that I’ve dimmed the lights, allow me to introduce the shaky and blatantly opportunistic premise for this segment. Did you know that before getting his big break Rodney Dangerfield was a Peace Corps volunteer in Mauritania? I found his final site evaluation hidden away in my regional office. Here are the highlights…

The Peace Corps, man, I’ll tell yah, it’s a racket, they pay you fifty bucks a month. I could make more dough juggling for the blind.

And you get no respect at all in the Peace Corps. No car, no money, no wife, no respect at all. People think I’m an albino panhandler, I tell yah.

A lot of drug use in the Peace Corps, though, I tell yah, I can’t keep up with these kids. The Peace Corps motto should be Semper High. Just my luck, no Marines in the audience, go ask your recruiter to explain that one.

But I smoked dope here in Mauritania one time, and I tell yah, it wasn’t pretty. Why’s that, I’ll tell yah why, there’s no good snacks. I got the munchies and ate my house. It’s tough, I tell yah.

Not a lot to do out here in my village, I can tell you that much. They don’t have dirty magazines here, so I have to watch my neighbor breast-feed her kids. The other night I asked if I could be next, that’s how bad it is.

My host family, that’s some group, I tell yah. My father is half Pulaar and half Moor. He wants to beat himself up but he’s too lazy. It’s tough. And his wife, I tell yah, she’s 16, she’s his cousin, sister, niece and possibly his mother too. It’s a mess.

You know they circumcise the women here? It’s supposed to make it impossible to enjoy sex. When I heard that, I called my ex-wife and told her it wasn’t my fault after all. Come on people, these are called jokes.

I got a local girlfriend though, I tell yah, but it’s not fair. I asked her for a strip tease, she showed me her eyes for two seconds. Not fair at all.

And the heat. I tell you it’s hot in this country. How hot is it? By my house there’s a road sign that points down and says “Hell, 15 meters.”

Hey, tough crowd, feels like I’ve been here two years. Ok, it’s been life changing, catch me next week at Ceasars Palace.